Joey 1 Seminole Indian Tribe 0

Joey 1 Seminole Indian Tribe 0

Tuesday night we celebrated the boss' birthday at the Hard Rock Casino. The setup was really nice, we got a "tiki" style hut, sandwiches, sodas and a server for alcohol. I caved to peer pressure and gave up my request for a passable (No Sammy, Yuengling or SNPA) beer, and got a Budweiser. In order appreciate the good stuff you got to sample beer flavored clubsoda.

After a little bsing and some birthday cake, we headed into the casino. This being my first visit to a casino, I didn't understand how the slots worked exactly. I put in an Abe Lincoln to start me off on 25 cent slots. I learned how penny slots and nickel slots "work". I thought if each "pull" is only a penny, that will take a long time for the casino to make any money. The deal is that you pick "credits" to bet 20 credits is 20 cents or 1 dollar for penny and nickel slots, respectively.

Aha! So that five dollar bill disappears in 2 minutes. I put in another one and win a couple bucks. Sweet. Cashout. I take my new receipt for 8 bucks to another machine (a more traditional one with 7s bars and cherries). Bar bar, then I slam down. BAR! I do it again and now I am at 22 bucks. Cashout.

What do people like more than losing money in a casino? Why hearing me gloat about winning, of course! I kept myself largely in tact for the next two machines, when I sit down next to my boss and get on a winning streak again. The only problem is, the slots are SO complicated, I have no idea when I am winning or losing. There is a bingo square in the middle, a variety of wheels, and 20 permutations of what is considered a win. Somehow I lost 8 bucks and then hit a "guess a letter" puzzle that paid me 25 or so.

At the 41 dollar mark, I run over to my mentor who urinated his way through 24 dollars in 20 minutes for advice on new machines. He recommends Cleopatra which made him some bucks in Vegas. My cubicle neighbor concurs. Dime slots. He recommends 40 credits. Gulp. 4 bucks a pull. Win lose win lose win win lose win lose win win. 65 bucks now. I then get 3 scafales or something like that. I didn't understand it but my audience did... 15 free pulls. I knew this was good. See if you bet 40 credits, you only lose-lose (meaning get 0 credits) once in a while mostly you get 20, 30, 45, 50 credits so you are going up and down but you are always going down.

However, 15 free tries at 20 credits a piece is 30 bucks. I happened to hit a few 75s and2-3 150s and a double (300). I walked out with 146.95. I cashed out and headed back to the tiki to rub in my success a little more. We hung out to check on Ernesto and called it a night. I couldn't resist. I went back in with this rule in mind. If I drop below 140, I walk. First pull on Cleopatra. ZIP. Odd, only happened once or twice before. Second pull. Nada. Weird. One more, because three in a row never happened the whole night. Goose Egg. I walked out with 134.95.

--Joey